Some life tips and observations

15/02/2011

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Life can be very complicated and the older you get the more complicated it can seem to become.

At least up until the time you either retire or the last of your children leave home!

I think that is why I enjoy reading anything that can explain something about life in a succinct and easy to understand way.

Below are some examples of these I have found around the internet. Some are old and you have probably seen before while others may be new and give you cause to smile.

* Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

* Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

* Never lick a steak knife.

* Never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

* People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

* There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

* There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 22.

* When you are in a bad mood, everyone else is a terrible driver.

* Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

* Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

* Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

* If at first you don't succeed ...... skydiving isn't for you.

* The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologise" and "You are right."

* If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

* If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

* Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

* If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

* The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

* Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.

* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

* Frustration is not having anyone to blame but yourself.

* "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest?

* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise you’re wrong.

* I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

* There is great need for a sarcasm font.

* How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

* Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighbourhood.

* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

* I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

* Bad decisions make good stories.

* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

* Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

* I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Microsoft Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

* I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

* I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

* How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

* Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

* The first crotch guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

* Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?


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Reader Comments

anon

16/02/2011 at 11:27

baha hilarious!

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