Toilet Humour



My kids have developed what must be a genetic disposition towards the toilet. That’s not to say that they’re excelling at toilet training, that they are as regular as an All Bran eating 80yr old.

Miss5 was a Miss4 when she threw two of my mobile phones into the toilet. The first one to see if it would flush. Then, almost 6 months later, the second one...wait for it could talk to the other one...seriously, that is the straight-faced explanation I received.

Miss2 has had an ongoing fascination with the toilet bowl for a while now, and as a result, we have been going through roughly twice as much toilet paper as normal - and not due to toilet training - but because we are forever fishing full, bloated, sopping wet rolls out of the bowl.

I tried to flush it down the first time this happened, and my eyes nearly bulged out of my head in terror when the water level kept rising, and I realised I had my good sandals on and I couldn't bear to lose them to a torrent of overflowing toilet water and wet toilet paper (giant toilet spit ball anyone?). Thankfully the shoe-gods intervened and the blocked bowl stopped a couple of centimetres short of overflowing.

Mstr2 is easily led by his twin sister, except I think he has the smarts in this case - because after dinner the other night I found his broccoli floating in the bowl. I couldn't tell him off because I was so impressed with the cunning of this 2yr old...and kicking myself for not thinking of it when I was younger.

Recently, I was upstairs with Miss5 arguing over bed time (surprise, surprise). Hubby was downstairs with the twins. I hear an almighty thud, followed by a groaning "oh crap" from hubby. I rush downstairs in panic (well, when my TV show went to an ad break) to see hubby's legs sticking out of the laundry.

The floor (tiled, thankfully) is covered in water. Miss2 and her pyjamas are dripping wet from the elbows down. She looks at her father sprawled on the floor, looks at me, and without missing a beat points to her poor brother Mstr2 and says "bad...bad...". Another cunning child in the making. Seems she can't get enough of that toilet, and has been scooping the water out by hand (all over the floor, where hubby slipped).

Needless to say, I disinfected the child, the adult, the floor, the toilet, the clothing - and anything else that may or may not have come into contact with the toilet water. I say bring back outside toilets....

It's not enough that you lose private bathroom privileges once you have kids. I live for the day that I can go to the bathroom, shut the door, sit down and do my thing without 1, 2 or 3 kids bursting in the door to ask me what I'm doing.....because there is a big range of answers to that question, apparently? (Well, with my kids there is anyway...)

Abridged version of story posted on my blog 25 October 2010

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